I winced at all the horrible pictures and sad stories which triggered off my grief. Darling Nutty was so lively and sweet today but last night he wouldn’t settle. I went to bed but he was wandering around, clip clop on the wooden floor. After 20 minutes I gave up - this is a regular pattern with him - and put in my ear plugs and left him to it. Eventually he usually falls asleep in the hallway.
About 7.45 I woke up and the Tinies (my 2 Bichon
Frise) were clamouring at the gate and Nutty was up and about. It’s nice that
he is lively but he is an old boy who needs his sleep! I put him up on the bed for a bit... he doesn't mind it for a short while and enjoys scratching and nudging the sheets around. Later I noticed that he had drooled blood onto the sheet….. later I soaked
it off.
The growth appears to be a little bit bigger,
growing outside of his mouth. But online I see pictures of people with horrible
growths from hands and heads, still alive…. better growing up and away than
into the body perhaps? If it continues to grow out and away is that better?
His appetite is as good as ever and he is bright and
loving and lively. What a beautiful dog he is. How much joy and pleasure the
little man has given me over these years and I love him more than any other
creature in the world. Will I love anything/anyone as much again? I do hope so.
Life without this devotion to someone else would be very dull.
It's interesting that the people you think will support you when awful things happen are not necessarily the ones that do. Sometimes the most charming and charismatic people do not make the best
friends. In my experience it is the people you might sometimes groan a bit when
they ring, who long term hang in there. I’m thinking of J and R who I
have at times taken for granted, but at least they answer the phone, ring, stay
in touch. Certain friends who shall remain nameless haven't responded to my devastating (well devastating to me anyway) news or desperate phone calls. And yet others have. So the support is there, just not always from the areas you think it will come. Best not to judge (lest ye be judged) etc.
Beastly beastly cancer. I am spending so much time
preparing Nutty’s food, supplements, healing, chanting….. surely it will work,
surely his cancer will diminish. I will never give up on him. I blame myself ,
I should have looked in his mouth earlier. How I wish I knew then what I know
now.
I have come across this very helpful US dog cancer blog written by a Dr Dressler, www.dogcancerblog.com accompanying his excellent book about dog cancer, which has just arrived.
This is a quote from a grieving dog owner from the site;
I have come across this very helpful US dog cancer blog written by a Dr Dressler, www.dogcancerblog.com accompanying his excellent book about dog cancer, which has just arrived.
This is a quote from a grieving dog owner from the site;
`We
can’t control everything, even our best efforts aren’t enough sometimes.
`I
read a quote once that said – “ I did the best I could with what I knew how,
and when I knew better I did better”. That quote helps me sometimes when I
remember about over vaccinating, putting spot on flea products, giving all my
dogs crappy dog food, neutering them very young… I didn’t know better then and
was told that was what I should do, so I did. I learned from my mistakes and
once I knew better, I did better. We can’t change the past though, so don’t
ever beat yourself up for listening to another about giving all the
vaccinations and everything over the years. Nobody can say for sure if she
would have gotten this type of cancer anyway, even if she wasn’t vaccinated. I
know of a Boxer right now that wasn’t vaccinated at all (maybe as a puppy
only), ate a more expensive kibble and raw food most of her life and is only 8
years old and was just diagnosed with Lymphoma'.
It helps to know I am not alone.
It helps to know I am not alone.
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