Monday 25 March 2013

Boyfriend on a Short Fuse Drives Me Up The Wall..Again

Today I emailed Dr Dressler’s Dog Cancer website for advice.

`Dear Dr. Sue, my illuminating Dog Cancer Survival Guide along with Dr's Dreslers's acopops (a cancer fighting supplement) have just arrived in London courtesy of Amazon, and I am finding the book very helpful in coping with Nutty, my 15 year old Sheltie's recent diagnosis of squamous cell carcinoma in his mouth. Unfortunately we discovered this growth quite late and my vet does not recommend surgery as it would mean removing too much of his jaw. He is in amazingly good form, enjoying his walks, does not appear to be in any pain and has a good appetite. He is just the same as always. However the tumour is one and a half inches, is now growing out from his lip, and is now visible when his mouth is closed. Although I understand that it is difficult to give advice over the Internet I wonder if you know of any good oncologists in the UK who might be able to help? He is taking apocaps, shitake mushroom extract, colloidal silver and a homeopathic supplement and I have changed his diet. I must be realistic but I want to do all I can…etc, etc’.
This site was set up by a vet and an oncologist. It is full of good advice, scientific and holistic. I don't know if they will reply, but I have to keep trying.
I just keep researching. I know the Internet is full of useless advice but at least one can find out something.
Just back from a very enjoyable BUAV (British Union for the Abolition of Vivisection) event at the v exclusive (so exclusive there was no number on the door and I was wandering around for 20 minutes in the freezing cold trying to find the darn place) Loulou’s, Robin Birley’s club. I met the very distinguished proprietor Mr Birley, petting his beautiful greyhound. `Oh, now I wish I had brought my dogs!’ I exclaimed, by way of greeting.  `Yes you should’ve, we love dogs here’, he replied in strangulated tones, not looking at me as he spoke. My rare interactions with the upper classes make me realise why I have settled down with my dear old shouty Himbo (aka Boyfriend on a Short Fuse) who at least can look women in the eye without deep shame.
I was delighted to meet up with Caroline, the Green Party vet/animal spokesperson (as they will insist on saying, instead of the less PC spokesman/woman – or even just `spokes’). I like her more every time I meet up with her at these animal `dos’. She was terribly kind when I explained about Nutty and recommended some good clinics to try. I talked to Michelle, who runs the show and another girl, who runs the fundraising, who I really liked.
They are extremely keen for me to donate again, I have held off for a while because they are not open about their funding. There is absolutely no transparency at all and I was getting bad feelings… a shame as most of the people working there are so dedicated and amazing, but there so much weirdness around their accounts, which are `dormant’ according to Companies House. They are not a registered charity because, as they say, they are a campaigning organisation. Yet the RSPCA are desperately political and still have charitable status, similarly other anti-vivisection organisations have charitable status (EFMP and the Dr Hadwen Trust are just two for starters), so I fear some obfuscation is going on.
They were very nice and tried to explain that they didn’t want to be too open because then people would see how small they are (which is a good point), but then again, they might get more money if they were more open. And no matter if they are small, people will still come to them for comment and quotes as they have all the facts, figures and are a respected source.
And even if they do have very little money coming in, if it is staffed by lots of volunteers that would explain how they can run things efficiently on limited funds. I don’t understand why charities are not more open about their funding. If investors want to invest in a company (look at the detail small businesses must go into when they apply to the Dragons in Dragon’s Den for funding) they examine the small print. Yet when we want to give to a charity we are somehow just expected to throw our money into the ether and hope for the best. Human nature being what it is, I don’t think that is a very satisfactory state of affairs. 
Boyfriend on a Short Fuse was pretty moody much of today. He has spurts of being lovely and then he starts up again. Tonight I come in and he is quite nice then starts shouting when I am hand feeding Nutty and then get up for a moment leaving Nutty’s plate on the floor.
`Don’t leave the plate there so the dogs can get at it!!’ he shouts, `and why have you left the Bendicks mints out, the dogs have got into them and there are wrappers on the floor. God you are so stupid you can’t even fold up the dog carrier’. This in reference to my inability to fold up the dog trolley.
He can be so loud, so foul. God he is horrible. I am getting quite poisonous too. `You are too short, you’re poor, you’re hardly Mr Bigshot. What have you got to show for your life? Nothing!’
He was quite subdued after that, a miracle. Maybe I have hit a nerve.
As I was getting ready tonight he was haranguing me about something or other. Then when I was togged up, I said do I look nice, and he obviously thought I did, `do you want to come to bed for cuddles?’ he asks. `No,’ I replied and kept putting my make up on. He looked a little crushed but he is pretty thick-skinned.
It’s awful the more he shouts at me the more I stick in the boot. We know each other's weak spots. I am fed up with our relationship and if it wasn’t for Nutty and feeling lonely by myself, I’d suggest time apart. I always felt a frisson with him, even when things were bad. Now I’d just like to shove him out of the window. 

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My new book, Letting Go of the Glitz, one woman's struggle to live the simple life in Chelsea, just out in paperback and available from Amazon and about 3 bookshops.

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