I Cry So Much My Face Has Sagged - Will It Ping Back?

I have been reasonably calm, all things considered, over the last week. But facing up to the reality of our imminent loss is just too much to bear.

Sometimes I think Nutty will go on for quite a while, maybe even a year, but perhaps we are being optimistic given the fast growth of his tumour. I don’t know how long we have left with him. Weeks? Months? Nobody knows.

When the grief wells up there seems to be so many tears. The tears come instantly and once they start, I wonder if they will ever stop. I wonder if my face has changed, morphed into a different, sadder shape in response to it all.

 I am tapping into a bottomless supply of universal heartache. `Well’ seems an appropriate word, but it would have to be a pretty deep well, as the well of grief is limitless, deeper than the ocean and wider than the sky. At those times I am plugging into a collective misery of all mankind’s sadness, past, present and future.

I know I mustn’t be maudlin, but if losing my dog is breaking my heart how do people cope with losing children or even their whole families? Every day I read tragic stories and it is a triumph of the human spirit that the bereaved manage to put one foot in front of the other and carry on. I don’t know why people aren’t jumping off tall buildings every second of every day really.